This may seem an odd topic for a blog about college, but today my nephew was born and so it got me to thinking. Does pregnancy as a topic come up on co-ed colleges as much as it does at an all women's school? It could just be my friends, but until I got here I had no idea what any of my friends felt about in terms of having children. But all of sudden, it comes up as a topic often. I personally, without a doubt, want to adopt. I feel no need to go through nine months of torture and then labor when there are babies all over the world that need someone to love them. Apparently this is an uncommon thought process. Most of friends want at least one child of their own, and most want more. They feel that they were meant to be mothers and can't wait until their time comes. (They even have pregnancy dreams.) What is that about? At school where women are taught that they can do more than just be Suzie-homemaker, why is being a mother so important? My own mother thinks it may just be wired in us as women, after all that is what we were made to do. But living in a society where women have pushed the boundaries and have made it possible for us to do more than just have kids, why is desiring a child so common?
We are surrounded by rooms that women who had to struggle to do more than just get married once lived in. Where is our respect for them and all that they have done for us? Don't misunderstand me and think that I am against being a mother; that is something I would like to do in life, but honestly, I am not in any hurry.
In high school when I once commented on wanting to be a stay at home mom at one point in my life everyone was shocked. Their mouths literally dropped open. How could I way such a thing? To want to raise children rather than being a Senior VP apparently was not how I was perceived. I will never forget the look on all of my male friends' face. They were shocked that such an intellectual person would even consider it. I still want to, at some point in my life stay at home with my child, and I am not of the mindset that you cannot both have a career and be a mother. But I find myself shocked when I hear my friends talk about wanting to be pregnant. I now don the same look all the boys in my class had on their faces. What? Why is that even on their minds right now? Our parents are paying majors amounts of money to make sure that that is not what our lives have to be...why would one run so readily at the thought of having a child?
I must disclose though, that not all my friends feel the same way, there are of course others of my mind set, and then there are others somewhere in the middle, but it still shocks me that anyone at such a pro-women's school would have such a thought. That is not what we are here to do.
The New PostSecret Book
9 years ago
Dear Katelyn,
ReplyDeleteYour thoughts on babies remind me that women have been grappling with these issues from the beginning of recorded history when we read of herbal "remedies" that did give women childbearing choices and all the resulting angst. You note that it is possible now to do more than "just have kids." Why should that be a "just"? I have had three differenct careers and continue to work despite being ancient, yet among all those "accomplishments," it is the birth and rearing of my daughters that is the singular thing that gives me great pride, deep joy, and the vivid memories that are all that I will take to the grave. When I think back, as we old timers are wont to do, wondering what is this life all about, what have I really done, it is the girls that come to mind...no job-related attainments. I agree that it is wonderful to do things beyond raising children, but I also feel that at the end of the day, being parents for many people (men and women) may provide the deepest sense of accomplishment. So, do not dismiss the yearning - it may come from deep within!!
And you say that your parents are paying large amounts of money to "make sure that that is not what our lives have to be." That would be an interesting parent survey: Are you, parents, paying tuition so that your daughters do not have to become mothers?" I would be interested to know. For my part, it never ocurred to me that tuition was an invesment in the non-parenting option. I simply thought it might enable the girls to do what they wished in life, to be well-rounded, interesting, adn to HAVE outside interests. But it never ocurred to me that those goals might be undermined by becoming mothers as well. So, now you have made me think!! Here's my vote for all daughters to be able to do their best at whatever they wish while still being able to become parents. For THAT, I would pay great gobs of tuition!! Becky
You are, as always more insightful than I find myself to be. I do not really feel that women settle when they choose to be mothers, it just sometimes angers me when I think of how far we've come to have the option of not only being mothers. I do want to do both, as you and my mother have done, and I know that the reason parents work so hard to send their daughters to school is so that they have the option of being both a mother and having a career doing something they love. That is of course the best possible option.
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